i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
