Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
