TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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