very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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