My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
