nut hugger
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
