haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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