Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
