the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
