Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
