I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
