im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
