I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize