He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
