apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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