both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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