John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
