she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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