Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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