It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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