i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
