spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
