yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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