I'm going to jail i love you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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