We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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