There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
