Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
