He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
