He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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