Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
