i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
