yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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