I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
