I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
