Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just got carded by a ten year old.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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