Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
