drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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