He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
