My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
