I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
