I think my vagina is haunted
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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