I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
