That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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