Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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