Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
