I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
