The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
