Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
