Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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