i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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