I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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