Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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