i just wanna soil my oats bro
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
