do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i think i just lost a toe
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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