Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This house was built for laser tag.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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