Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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