Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
