You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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