On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
