He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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