I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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