I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
