you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
