omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
