You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
