i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
