i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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