I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
