Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
