apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
