I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
