kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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