You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When are your genitals available?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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