he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
