Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Blood and glitter go together right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
