nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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